He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
