Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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