she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
