I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He shit in the fireplace
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
