he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
