Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
