my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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