Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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