Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
