yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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