The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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