i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
