Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
