need another drink. this is the easiest way
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
