I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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