we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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