i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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