Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
