i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
