he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
