We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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