Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
