somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it because I queefed?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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