I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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