ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
