I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
