You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I look better un-naked...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
