Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
