Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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