I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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