He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
