Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
