We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
