i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
