I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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