god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
