Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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