he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
