I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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