Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
