We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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