U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
