You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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