I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
