If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
