just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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