He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
