no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
