so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
