the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
