Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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