i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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