Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
