he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
