Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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