My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
