i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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