if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
