i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
