Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
