Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
