You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
