First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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