When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
