a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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