We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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