i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
