Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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