two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
