my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
