i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
