Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
