Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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