Yo dont text me then not text me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
