I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
