How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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