no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
